so, I found this forgiveness coach/therapist chick. and I downloaded her book and read it and went through the motions to forgive sam and it was ok. nothing magical. nothing crazy or transformational. and then i bled like crazy from my bum for two days. and now I'm totally fine.
I did, like, use my meds. so that could have helped some. :)
but. I have never bled like that. not since the hospital. and it was just straight from 'doing fine' to 'bleeding like a stuck pig' to 'doing great'.
the Man and I talked it over a bit and I said that maybe it is too woo-woo but an easy explanation is that sam caused my colitis. :)
no really though, I got sick like 1 week before I caught him cheating on me. not sick, diagnosed.
the Man said, 'whoa, it is like your body KNEW that he was cheating on you before you knew!'
sometimes I just love that guy. :)
so, does this mean that I am healed of my colitis now?
in other news, i'm totally sick of my job. or maybe a more truthful statement is, I'm so not good at my job. or maybe it is more of a 'I'm so tired and in need of a break and getaway that I can't focus on my job anymore'?
yeah, I think that is it. that is the one.
I re-read an old (I think) facebook post by anne lamott today where she says not to diet. well, basically. she mentions 3 weights. she says if you aren't happy at 185 you won't be at 150 or 135.
are these super common weights? because these are MY NUMBERS. I am 185 (well, my top was 185, I'm like 182 or so right now) and I would like to get to 150 but if you look deep in my heart at what I REALLY want when I'm not being reasonable, well, I want to be 135 (that lowest of lows to which I fell before meeting sam).
actually, now that I think about it, do I REALLY want to be 135? maybe not. It sounds kind of ridiculous right now. so maybe I am more reasonable that I thought I was!
well, that's all folks. it's been thrilling. :)