Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Like learning to forgive

so, I found this forgiveness coach/therapist chick.  and I downloaded her book and read it and went through the motions to forgive sam and it was ok.  nothing magical.  nothing crazy or transformational.  and then i bled like crazy from my bum for two days.  and now I'm totally fine. 

I did, like, use my meds.  so that could have helped some.  :)

but.  I have never bled like that.  not since the hospital.  and it was just straight from 'doing fine' to 'bleeding like a stuck pig' to 'doing great'. 

the Man and I talked it over a bit and I said that maybe it is too woo-woo but an easy explanation is that sam caused my colitis. :)

no really though, I got sick like 1 week before I caught him cheating on me.  not sick, diagnosed. 

the Man said, 'whoa, it is like your body KNEW that he was cheating on you before you knew!'

sometimes I just love that guy. :)

so, does this mean that I am healed of my colitis now? 

here's hoping.

...................................

in other news, i'm totally sick of my job.  or maybe a more truthful statement is, I'm so not good at my job.  or maybe it is more of a 'I'm so tired and in need of a break and getaway that I can't focus on my job anymore'?

yeah, I think that is it.  that is the one.

...................................

I re-read an old (I think) facebook post by anne lamott today where she says not to diet.  well, basically.  she mentions 3 weights.  she says if you aren't happy at 185 you won't be at 150 or 135. 

are these super common weights?  because these are MY NUMBERS.  I am 185 (well, my top was 185, I'm like 182 or so right now) and I would like to get to 150 but if you look deep in my heart at what I REALLY want when I'm not being reasonable, well, I want to be 135 (that lowest of lows to which I fell before meeting sam).

actually, now that I think about it, do I REALLY want to be 135?  maybe not.   It sounds kind of ridiculous right now.  so maybe I am more reasonable that I thought I was!

well, that's all folks.  it's been thrilling.  :)

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