Thursday, December 31, 2015

Like being torn down

This year has been a doozy. 

I feel like every year I think that but this one has.  Like, for real.

Last night I went home just terribly sad.  I felt so hopeless about everything.  I'm not sure why I felt like that but I did.  I cried and cried to the Man.  He told me to hold on till the morning and see if things didn't feel different.

And they do.  They always do for me.  I'm not good with sleep deprivation.

As he tried to cheer me up he said, 'we will figure it all out tomorrow, we will figure out what WE want out of this life, where we want to live, who we want to be friends with, all of it' and it seemed so pointless.

But now that the sun is up I can see pretty clearly that this last year has been all about tearing down my old life. 

We have been here in this new city for 2.5 years.  The first year we tore our old life in the PNW down and we almost totally tore our marriage down and then rebuilt it.   2015 was all about tearing down my idea of what the future would be like.  It tore down my hopes of kiddos, it tore down my ideas about my relationship with Sis and Aunt, it tore down my whole concept of who my extended family really is and how much I want them in my life.  

I think the sadness was because I feel like I am standing in the graveyard of my dreams.

So, 2016 is going to be all about rebuilding.  From the ground up, as they say.  We will likely move (across town or country), we will build new relationships. 

I'm ready to get building. 

Tomorrow I will lay it all out, all the things I want for the new year. 

1 comment:

  1. Gentle hugs, immense understanding, and a deeply rooted hope that this year new year is a million times better, happier and less stressful for you, sweet dear.

    ♥ Jessica