Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Just Write

Ben's alarm rang out from the living room, so loud and insistent, and I wondered, again, why he does that... put it in the other room but then blare it?  It is so not what I would do.  But there you go.

He scurried out the door earlier than me today, which is so unusual, muttering about getting a sandwich for breakfast to test the theory that his everyday smoothie is giving his colon trouble.  I sat bundled on the couch for far too long, sucked into the endless commercial breaks of the Today show.

By the time I had dragged myself into work it was time to go to Tim's practice job talk, coming out of order after his practice chalk talk yesterday.  I scurried in one minute before my boss and grabbed a chair against the back wall, like I often do, instead of around the table like the other lab members.  Always an outsider, a tech, a wet bench lady.  Not grad student, not post doc, not computational.  Outsider.

The talk was long, leaning towards 2 hours by the time I snuck out to get lunch and get my PCR started and I thought a bit as I closed the door gently behind me that I don't know why I even bother going.  There is so little I understand in all of the computer models and simulations and theoretical work they present and so little that I contribute.  Actually, I never contribute anything.  I sit and nod and try to follow and look inquisitive and dream of a job where I care about the research and understand it and am valued.

With lunch in hand I plopped down in my chair, clicked on the UofM jobs site and searched, "Full time Jobs."

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